To go or stop that is the question April 24, 2024
Over the last two or three years, I’ve been posting old
journal entries from a decade ago, putting up one or two or sometimes even
three daily, reflecting some of the most emotional moments of my life.
I’m not completely sure who exactly reads these diatribes,
or what they think when they do.
Some of these are poems, other essays, still others
something in-between both, ramblings of a sort through which I tried to sort
out confusing thoughts.
Most of them aren’t even accurate, or at best, guesses about
the nature of the world at that time. Some – because I altered my view from my original
thoughts – actually contradict other pieces.
While many are honest representations of how I felt at the
time, time itself as made many of the irrelevant since life has moved on, and I’m
a different person (as are the other people mentioned) than I was back then.
I don’t even know why I continue to post them, since there
is no way to set the record straight – what happened then, happened, and for
all the reconfiguration, it remains a confusing road map that can’t be followed
clearly, just a series of emotional reactions, observations and perhaps some
aspect of love.
I started out merely posting the more factual (if that’s
what they are) pieces, and most recently evolved into posting poems, essays and
fantasy pieces never meant to see the light of day.
This all hit me this morning. So, after nearly three years
or so, I’m decided to stop, even though I still have thousands of poems, essays,
journals and fantasy pieces I’ve yet to post, some already set up to post over
the next few months.
I think part of the reason for suspending the posting has to
do with lack of reaction, whether those who read these pieces hate me more for
them, like me better, or have some other reaction I have no way of being aware
of.
In the end, I see no point to continuing to post except
perhaps for my own ego gratification, some of these are the best writing I’ve
ever done, inspired by the fact that they involve one of the best writers I’ve
ever known.
I don’t know if I’ll start posting in the future again. I suspect
that I would need some clear indication as to whether I should continue, even a
one-word message saying “more” or “stop.”
This suspension will allow me to get back to posting other
journal entries, poems and such from other times that have nothing to do with
the person these were influenced by.
Anyway, I’ll still post contemporary poems, essays and
stories on this journal blog, reflecting how I feel now, rather than how I felt
back then.
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