Déjà vu April 1, 2024
When my cousin said his kid was moving to Kingston I looked at him as if I couldn't believe the words.
He said Kingston has become a place where people are moving
back to, and he wanted to know what it was like since I made regular trips to
the north in the spring each year.
I told him the little I know since my trips were usually
tied to Woodstock and part of a two-day event, but I didn't really know much
about the town except its history and some of the places I liked.
But the whole conversation had a surreal feeling because
somehow this was connected to the past since my uncle his uncle had died in
2012 just the head of some of the most painful moments of my life.
And to hear him talking about this place at this time struck
me as extremely odd, surrealistic, synchronistic and a god-like coincidence I
could not get out of my head.
This is our Easter gathering of the family something that I
made a point of going to each year since my uncle's death 12 years ago in order
to make sure that I keep in touch with the remaining family since now I am the
elder of the family the “Uncle Danny “who was also the black sheep
My cousin and my other relatives liked talking about my days
as a criminal as if this somehow gave me strange credibility when in fact I had
long since stopped being that person.
The odd thing is the 12 years ago when my uncle finally
passed away I felt the extreme loss as if he was the last tie to a generation
that helped shape me and the last member of the clan who had specific memories
although two of my cousins were just old enough to remember some of the things
that I remember.
But this oddity this strange connection to Kingston this
year seemed a little too farfetched even for my science fiction mentality and
for some reason the thought stuck in my head the whole drive home why what was
the logic what was God thinking on this holy of holy days
as back then I have no clue as to what fate is about why God
keeps flavoring life with these odd moments in these are details
Nonetheless it is still haunting me because I never got over
my uncle's death and in the aftermath of that death was some of the most
painful moments of my life recounted and journals and poetry and yet not fully
recovered from.
I had assumed that going to this event this year would help
me reunite with the feelings from my growing up instead it only reinforced
those moments after my uncle's death after his wake and his burial and the
events that transpired.
Why was my cousin asking me about Kingston. What tie to fate
did he have, what insight, what kind of things goes on in that strange mind of
God on this day when there is no Mass but the waiting for him to be reborn.
All this is of course silly but it's still lingering inside
of me this feeling of being lost and seeing things poking out of the fog of my
life clues to something I will never resolve.
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