I stare at two photos she posted over herself, unable to
tell which one is the real her, it either is – one, the happy-go-lucky gal she
most displays in the videos she posts, the other, darker, cautious, maybe even
scared, as if we have both traveled back in time to when she believe she had
every right to be, hair pinned back, head slightly turned, as if she felt the
need to be ready to run if she had to.
The brighter picture has her hair down as she smiles, both
bearing the same intense stare, eyes so deep I drown in them. I’m not sure
which one I believe though leaning towards the darker face as it face is the closest
I’ll ever get to the real her.
Feb. 12, 2024 Oh no, not again. Does this never stop, this endless shifting of sand, draining, the hour glass of good time so creates the need to turn it over and begin again, never easy, always hurting, sense of change that changes nothing, she merely older, perhaps not wiser, though maybe believes what does not kill her will make her stronger and it does, only it hardens her heart, making it impossible to reach, this once tender being scarred over, made so remote even the best intentions cannot reach her, though deep down, she needs to be reached 2024 journal menu email to Al Sullivan
(poetry journal) The sign said, 28 miles to Kingston. We had not intended to come this far north, taking a trek along River Road that turned into 9W, following signs that said, “Bear Mountain.” Only when we got there, we kept going, this long and winding thing, and then, we stopped at the sign saying “28 miles” because we had never intended to go there, not yet, not since I took my daughter there before COVID, seeking a bit of the East Village she could no longer find in NYC, we stopped and wet back, leaving the sign and its destination behind, for another time, for our annual overnight stay when we were better prepared to deal with the consequences, 28 miles turning into 30, then more as we made our way home. (Journal) We were a half an hour south of Kingston when decided to turn back south, We had not intended to go so far north but had followed a highway that started near our town and snakes its way along the Hudson going north. We wanted to see where it...
Over the last two or three years, I’ve been posting old journal entries from a decade ago, putting up one or two or sometimes even three daily, reflecting some of the most emotional moments of my life. I’m not completely sure who exactly reads these diatribes, or what they think when they do. Some of these are poems, other essays, still others something in-between both, ramblings of a sort through which I tried to sort out confusing thoughts. Most of them aren’t even accurate, or at best, guesses about the nature of the world at that time. Some – because I altered my view from my original thoughts – actually contradict other pieces. While many are honest representations of how I felt at the time, time itself as made many of the irrelevant since life has moved on, and I’m a different person (as are the other people mentioned) than I was back then. I don’t even know why I continue to post them, since there is no way to set the record straight – what happened then,...
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