So much yet to post May 4, 2024
In what may be an overly broad assumption, my revamping of
my poetry page seems to have highlighted what seems to interest my poet friend,
since she seems to be a regular visitor to my poetry and erotica with far few
hits on the journal entries.
Part of this may be due to the fact that I am rewriting and
updating the poetry and posting what would be to her newer erotica stories,
while I’m merely reposting the journals from the last three years.
I have many more journal entries I’ve not yet posted going
deep into 2015, but I’ve paused posting these later journals until I’ve caught
up reposting those from the past.
The poetry and erotica may be more interesting because I’m
trying stuff she’s never seen or converting poetry notebooks into poems (in
some cases leaving the original scanned poetry journal item while reshaping the
posted text into real poetry, renewing my poetic energies.
2012 to 2015 was among the most prolific period of my life
for writing with thousands of pages of journal, even more poetry journal, a shit
load of erotica – some of which are inspired by real moments with her.
I don’t know if she’s really interested or merely wants to
see what it is I had to say a decade ago during the most heated part of our
relationship.
My feeling it is both, a kind of morbid fascination, and
perhaps puzzled as to why I bothered writing it then, and rewriting it now.
Feelings rarely change dramatically, and so dredging up the
old notebooks also dredges up many of the old feelings, too, though time has
modified them and rereading her poetry and my journals makes me appreciate what
an amazing person she was and is, and how much of an inspiration she was to my
art.
I keep thinking of her as a kind of Patty Boyd – George Harrison’s
wife, a model, who became the inspiration for the songs “Something,” and “Lalya,”
and other great rock and roll hits by Harrison and Eric Clapton.
Sometimes it takes someone special to inspire great art (I’m
not saying my art is great, but there certainly is a lot of it, inspired by her
and those days.
Converting the already posted poetry journals into poetry
will take time. But I’m also typing in poetry not previously posted, partly to
get it out of handwritten form. The whole process also allows me to reshape work,
making old notes into better poetry, although not all the poems will be great
or even good, but they might be interesting.
It’s curious to note that she hits on the erotica, which I
have lagged behind in posting, and have only recently begun posting fantasies –
many based on situations or imagined scenarios from that period.
I have no way of knowing what she likes or wants. I’m guessing
from what she has looked at already, and figure if she wants erotica, her looking
at what I’ve already posted will cause me to post more.
Perhaps a mistake, but I’m flying blind here without a clue
as to what she likes or dislikes, whether she wants me to continue or to stop.
But a few times when I stopped or paused, she hit my site repeatedly, as if
sending a message – a message suggesting I continue posting these things.
We shall see.
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