What is and what can never be July 1, 2024
I made the trek back to the old hood in Passaic/Garfield to visit Peggy’s grave.
I missed her birthday in May because of too much to do for
work. The stuffed bear from last Christmas
was long gone, as was the NY Giant’s pin, the ceramic angel and the remnants of
the flowers I left on the 25th anniversary of her death. So, I started over
with a new stuffed bear and a single rose.
Her older Sister, Susan, who died in 2019, is also buried in
the grave, leaving no one but me to make regular visits.
I usually time my visits to her with visits to some of my
family’s graves – which are located in a nearby cemetery in Lodi – the patriarch
of our family, John the Babtist, his son, Egisto (my great grandfather) and his
wife, Jennie.
This year marks the 100 th anniversary of Egisto’s death and
a turning point in my grandfather’s life, since he had full sports scholarship
and would have become an architect, had not the family desperately needed him
to serve as bread winner.
Other family members still visit this grave, some of whom
have a living memory of growing up in Lodi.
Peggy’s grave is different. And I suppose it seems a bit odd
that I should continue to mourn her as an ex-boyfriend, although I have since
talked to other men who have loved her as I do.
Some women inspire such love, even when it is unrequited,
and life has gone on for people like me, leaving them in the rearview mirror.
These women usually leave a string of men behind them, men
who can never cease to love them, even when they have taken up with someone
else – such as that fire fighters from Hackensack who might have married Peggy,
and still wishes he had, and cried on the telephone when he learned from me the
details of her suicide.
Love lasts even if the relationship doesn’t, and I feel compelled
to celebrate it, even if it was never meant to be.
Comments
Post a Comment